The End Of An Era

Hey everyone:)

I miss you all and pray you feel the Lord’s hand over your lives.

Today was my last day of ministry in this sweet land of Swazi. My day started with a heart of gratitude as the Lord led me in remembrance of all He’s done during my time here. I wrote in my journal this morning “I remember when it was just 6 weeks ago and we arrived at our Swazi home. I remember the heartache felt when leaving our squadmates, yet the anticipation of bonding. I remember the spider that greeted us and the evening of strife. I remember the early morning of teaching after a long 3 days of travel. I remember my first day of ministry and the nerves that flowed with it. I remember the lessons learned in those first few weeks. I remember the healing that He brought. I remember the hugs and the giggles and the smiles. I remember the conversations that either broke my heart or seemed to put it back together. I remember where we started as a team and I see where we are now. I see the growth. I see the beauty and I thank my Jesus. Without Him, none of this would be possible. Without Him, I wouldnt have met those whom my soul now loves. Because of Him we have life and life to the full. Brokenness to renewal. Restoration runs rampant in this sweet land of Swazi. Thank you Jesus for this gift.”

Right now, my heart feels a lot of things. I just said goodbye to some of the sweetest people I’ve met. I said goodbye to children that the Lord loves. I said goodbye to people I’ve gotten to love so well over the last 6 weeks. I said goodbye and now my heart hurts, if I’m being honest.

After my morning time with the Lord, my team did our devo and headed to ministry. We walked down the red dirt road expecting to show up and then leave to gather fire wood. The Lord had other plans, though,  that were better than I could’ve imagined. We showed up and our shepherd was there. She was supposed to be in the city today, but surprised us by staying for our last day. The flood of kids arrived as we did. They greeted us with hugs and excitement as we had no idea they would come that early. We played with all 100 of them and soaked up our last moments. Half of my teammates ended up going to gather fire wood while the other half stayed to play with the kids. The Lord asked me to stay, so I did. I made new friends and also connected with those I know well.

There was a boy who’s probably 12 years old that I played volleyball with for a good portion and time. We met 2 times prior to today, as his care point isn’t the one I serve at. Each time, however, we connected, and it was beautiful for the Lord to bring him back on our last day. He works so hard at everything he does and doesn’t stop until he gets it right. Last time I saw him, which was weeks ago, we played double double this this until he got it just right. He was determined to do it all the way through perfectly and wouldn’t stop until he did. I could tell today that he’s been practicing, as he was FAST at it now. He’s a pro and I could see the work he’s put in, since just learning how to do it the last time I saw him. It was encouraging to see how our last interaction impacted him and he cared enough to keep practicing.

One of my sweet friends came to carepoint a couple hours after the rest of the kids, so I was worried she wasn’t going to show up. But, when she did, I got to sit with her and help her feel seen. It was nearing the end of the day, and I called her over to come sit with me and her little brother who I was holding in my arms. She sat quietly and I knew something was wrong. I asked her if she was ok and she told me that she was sad. Besides that, she wouldn’t say a word. I leaned over and hugged her as she sat still on the tire. Earlier in the day she gave me the sweetest letter and said how much she loves me. She said how her mom loves me and is so grateful for me, even though we’ve never met. Saying goodbye was hard. She was quiet and I saw a tear fall. I told her that I love her but Jesus loves her more.

As each kid left, we said goodbye with a hug and an “i love you.” As my team left later in the day, we hugged all of the kids who are closest with us, as they stay the latest to hang out. We cried as we said goodbye. I hugged my shepherd and she told me how much she’s going to miss me. The tears started rolling down my face and then I saw them well up in her eyes. I love her dearly. Her kind and gently spirit is genuine and I’m beyond grateful for the time we’ve had together. As the tears kept falling, a little boy I met today gave me a hug and said “please don’t cry.” Another little girl said “don’t cry. Smile.” It seemed as though the kids were comforting us more than we were them. We will still see some of them at Church on Sunday, but we cried none the less.

It’s hard to say goodbye when you know you might not say hello again.

We’ve had the opportunity to love these kids and the beautiful staff so well, and they’ve loved us so deeply, intentionally, and sacrificially. We’ve been welcomed with arms open wide and I’ve learned so much from the amazing people here.

As I’m sitting on my favorite circle slab of concrete, one of the men on the AIM staff walked over and explained for 20 minutes how grateful he is for my team and the kindness and courage we exude. He encouraged me by saying that the Lord will bless what we’ve been doing and it really does make a difference. Most of the kids here don’t have a dad in the picture, so the love we share and our welcoming smiles mean more than we know. I needed to hear that, as I was sitting here on the verge tears, once again.

Swazi is one of the hardest places I’ve been, but every word spoken over it the Lord brought to life and fruition. He said I would see Him in it and be found in the quiet places, alone with Him, and that’s been my favorite part of this whole experience. I’ve seen His face and learned His heart in a new way.

I pray I have an opportunity to come back and see His people again, but, if not, I can’t wait for our family reunion in Heaven.

Till next time, dear Swazi🫡